I’m a huge advocate for butt play of all sorts…from rimming through to anal sex. But I didn’t just dive straight in the deep end…it took time to get comfortable with butt stuff and build up to ‘the main event’. So whether you’re an enthusiast or wanting to delve in for the first time, how do you approach the topic of anal with a partner or someone you’ve started dating?
Every situation will be different, but these are my tips for approaching the anal sex discussion with someone:
• Timing: As always, it’s best to talk about the prospect of new things outside the bedroom first when someone isn’t feeling pressured to say yes in the heat of the moment.
• Ease in slow: When the time is right, start the conversation on a light note…you won’t get far with ‘I want to destroy your ass!’ It needs a delicate touch…’What really turns you on in bed?’ ‘Have you ever tried butt play?’
• Be patient: If you get the green light (yay!) you still need to go at their pace. Butt play can make you feel vulnerable…trust needs to be built to feel comfortable, relaxed and enjoy things. Some people will be keen on a first date, others might need weeks or months to get there…don’t pressure them.
• Give encouragement and support: Ask what they need to feel comfortable. Perhaps suggest they explore butt play on their own first to get familiar with what feels good and what they enjoy.
• Approach it with a sense of humour: We are talking butts here…you’ve got to be able to have a laugh about it and not take it too seriously. Very unsexy scenarios like farting and skid marks come with the territory…just embrace it and have a giggle!
The one thing to bear in mind is that some people just don’t have any interest in anal sex and you need to respect their decision if that’s the case. Everyone has different sexual desires and boundaries…if they say no, it’s not a starting point for negotiation…it’s a no. There are plenty of other things on the sexual menu…if anal isn’t an option, engage in other activities that bring you both pleasure. Sex is only fun if all parties involved are enjoying themselves!