Getting Over Someone

I’ve matched with far too many young men on dating apps who have gone through a breakup and thought ‘the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else’.

Getting straight back into dating after a breakup is usually a bad idea because:

• You don’t process your emotions from the breakup, which may impact on your ability to have healthy relationships in future

• You aren’t emotionally/mentally ready to be with someone new and are more likely to behave badly towards new partners

• You’re missing an opportunity to learn from the experience so you can be a better partner in future or find a partner better suited to you

• It’s likely to make you feel a whole lot worse, not better

Sadly, on the whole, boys aren’t raised to deal with negative emotions. They are told that ‘crying is for girls’ and that they need to ‘man up’ and carry on. This toxic narrative leads to too many young men feeling scared to talk when they’re feeling down…especially after a breakup. We need to change this.

So how can you work through your feelings after a breakup?

• Cry: It sounds mad, but crying is a great emotional release…it’s scientifically shown to produce endorphins. If you struggle to cry, find a sad movie to trigger you (mine is Marley & Me)

• Talk to someone: Find a friend, family member or a mental health professional (Mind UK is a good place to start) who’ll listen and support you

• Set healthy boundaries: This might be avoiding alcohol for a while, no contact with your ex, unfollowing/blocking them on social media etc to help you move on in a positive way

• Be selfish: This is the time to take care of yourself. Eat ice cream, go for walks, take baths…do whatever it is to help to feel better on the healing journey

• Be patient: Time is the only thing that will truly help. It will hurt for a good while, but each day will be a little easier

Young men should be given the space to grieve after a breakup instead of telling them to ‘suck it up’ and ‘get back on the horse’. If you’ve been through a breakup, take the time to process things before dating again…I promise you’ll feel much better for it.