Firstly, let’s get a few things straight. Sex doesn’t have to be kinky to be amazing. It doesn’t have to be rough to be kinky. Lastly, not everyone enjoys rough sex. We are all individuals, never assume anyone’s desires without first having the conversation…it’s that simple.
There seems to be a misconception that we must love it rough to be considered kinky or that all kinksters like rough sex. Kink covers a huge spectrum of experiences…everything from wax play to tickling to ABDL. There’s so much of the kink world that doesn’t involve anything remotely rough.
Despite that, I see a preference for rough sex being advertised all over online dating profiles, like it’s a badge of honour:
- You’re going to need a safe word
- My hands make a great necklace
- I practice safe sex…I’ll tie you to the bed so you don’t fall off
- Will break your bed, not your heart
While these statements might seem like an innocent joke, rough sex can be dangerous and if you are inexperienced, people can really be hurt. If you do actually like rough sex, here are some golden rules for play with partners:
- Research: If you want to explore something like choking or breath play, learn all you can first…I can’t stress enough how dangerous it is
- Trust: Engaging in any kink practice that may cause physical, mental and emotional impact should only be done with someone you completely trust (not first date or one-night stand material)
- Consent: Never assume someone likes it rough…you need enthusiastic consent from someone before you so much as flick a nipple
- Communication: If you do get to the point of consensual rough play with someone, establish rules beforehand, have a safe word/signal, check in with each other often and have an aftercare plan
Before defaulting to rough sex, ask yourself this…do you actually enjoy it or do you just think you should because of what you’ve seen in porn? Does your partner actually even like it? Try branching out into other areas…you might discover new experiences you enjoy far more than rough sex.
There’s no shame in enjoying all kinds of sex…whether it’s vanilla (which is completely valid!), rough, sensual and/or k!nky. At the end of the day, what matters is that it’s consensual, safe and all parties are enjoying it!
2 thoughts on “Rough Sex”