Aftercare is a term used in the BDSM community for the care you give to yourself and partners after a scene. The world of sex and kink can be intense and aftercare should be prioritised as part of any play you are involved in. It’s too often overlooked when it is just as important than the scene itself. 

Why is aftercare so important?:

  • Scenes can be physically, mentally and emotionally intense and sometimes specific care is needed to recover afterwards
  • It’s a chance to further connect with your partner/s to enhance the overall experience
  • It helps everyone feel safe and negates people feeling used/abandoned in the aftermath of play
  • It’s an opportunity to reflect on the scene and discuss what worked and what didn’t…so next time can be even better

Aftercare isn’t just reserved for kinky play or submissives either. When I domme, I need aftercare just as much, if not more than my sub. If I skip it or only focus on my sub’s aftercare needs, I get dom drop and can feel depressed for a long time after play. Regardless of whether you’re having vanilla or kinky fun, are a dom|me or sub, aftercare is an extension of play for all involved.

What might aftercare look like?:

  • Conversation: About the scene, the rest of your day or anything that brings your mind back to the present
  • Cuddles: Physical touch and comfort can be really reassuring during aftercare
  • Clean up: Showering together, changing the bed, washing toys…all can be part of resetting after a scene
  • Anything you want: Maybe eating ice cream and watching a movie together works for you…or going for a walk, we all have different needs

Any kind of sex or BDSM play requires prioritising respect and care for you and your partner/s. Planning time for aftercare in advance is necessary for responsible play. Be flexible, check in with your partner after a scene and negotiate what each of you requires to recover safely.

Just like any other aspect of sex and kink, aftercare requires ongoing communication and consideration. It should never be an afterthought and prioritising it will bring more connection, meaning and pleasure to your sexual experiences.

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