The Swipe Experiment

I constantly have cubs assume my dating life is very glamorous, with daily comments like ‘There must be a long line of guys falling over themselves to date you!’ I also hear complaints that online dating is much harder for straight men than any other group.

I decided to document the outcomes of 100 matches on the dating apps to show the reality of my online dating life and bust yet another cougar myth that I’m out there living my best dating life! The experiment lasted two months (starting 06/11/21) and here’s how it went:

My matches came from these online dating apps:

• 35 Tinder
• 26 Bumble
• 19 Hinge
• 12 Feeld
• 8 Fabswingers

The demographic of my matches were:

• 96 men
• 4 women 
• All aged 21-40 
• Average age of 26 

This is what happened to the 87 matches that didn’t make it off the apps: 

• 38 didn’t reply to my first message within three days (one of my online dating rules!) or their reply window timed out (on Bumble)
• 15 unmatched me without giving a reason 
• 12 had no chat chemistry
• 12 were too s*xual
• 3 lived too far away
• 2 suggested a meet then flaked
• 2 unmatched me when I set personal boundaries 
• 1 suspected catfish 
• 1 wasn’t over an ex yet
• 1 woman actually came as a couple with a husband (who I wasn’t attracted to)

13 matches got my phone number and moved the conversation of the apps:

• 6 from Bumble, 3 from Fabswingers, 2 from Tinder, 1 from Hinge and none from Feeld
• 12 were men and 1 was a woman 
• Average age was 28 
• 5 dates arranged 
• 5 time wasters who dragged the chat out but are too busy to date and eventually ghosted me 
• 2 suspected catfish who refused to verify themselves when I made the request (one woman and one man)
• 1 hadn’t read my online dating profile and wanted different things 

Here are the details of the 5 dates that went ahead: 

• 3 were from Bumble, 2 from Fabswingers  
• All men, average age of 31
• 3 dates lacked chemistry in person
• 1 signed up to my Onlyfans without asking for consent after a great date then ghosted me when I called him out on it
• 1 admitted on the date that he wasn’t over his ex and wanted to get back with her

Other statistics from that two month swipe experiment period:

• I approached and gave my number to two people in real life (one man and one woman). Both reached out to me, but the woman had a girlfriend and the chat died out with the man, so no dates came about
• 9 guys who I had matched with previously and had ghosted me ‘popped up’ wanting another chance 
• I ended up having one video call with a pop up…who turned out to be a racist, transphobic arsehole (I was so angry I hung up on him then messaged saying we shouldn’t date due to fundamental differences in our values!)
• I had one great date with a pop up, but his distance and lack of time availability is likely to prevent more dates

The moral of the story is never assume anyone is having fun with online dating…regardless of your gender or what you are seeking, it’s tough. Try having a little more empathy and be kind to others on the apps. Be respectful, don’t ghost and only be on the apps if you have the time and energy…don’t waste the time of people genuinely seeking a connection out there.