Getting Kinky

Getting into kink is a personal journey that can unlock a new level of sexual pleasure for you and your partner/s. Everyone is unique and our kinks are just as individual as our taste in food or music. There’s no rulebook…you don’t have to have a foot fetish or enjoy being degraded to be kinky. Kink is anything from ageplay to voyeurism and everything in between!

So how do you start exploring your kinks and working out what you enjoy?

• Take the BDSM test: It’s not 100% accurate but it gives a top level overview of what your preferences might be (including whether you are a dom, sub or switch)
• Do a yes/no/maybe list: This is literally a list of specific kink activities you can gauge your interest against (you can use the list when exploring with a partner too, in order to find mutual interests)
• Pay attention to your fantasies: Is there a repeated theme when you watch porn or imagine sexual scenarios?
• Reflect on past experiences: Think back to your hottest sexual memories…which ones stand out? What was it about them that really turned you on? For me, lots of my stand out experiences involve public play…that’s how I realised this was one of my kinks!

Once you have a loose idea of your turn ons, you can start exploring further. The next steps look like:

• More exposure: Read more on the subject…fall down the rabbit hole of exploration on Twitter, Fetlife or Reddit to learn more about the nuances of a particular kink (are you a Daddy Dom or a Master?)
• Research: This is important for any kink play. Safety comes first, so get familiar with RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) before indulging in play with anyone else. Make sure you understand the importance of negotiating scenes and aftercare too
• Self pleasure: Before jumping in with a partner, go solo. If you think butt play might be your thing, try it on your own first
• Partner fun: Broach the topic of your kinks with your partner or look for playmates on kink specific dating sites like Feeld, Fabswingers and Fetlife if you are single

It’s ok to be new to kink…but always be honest about your experience level when looking for play partners. The kink community won’t shame you for being a baby kinkster…just be respectful and open to learning and feedback. Be specific with your dating profile and kinks…this will minimise time wastage and help attract people who are into the same things as you.

As always, bear in mind that kink isn’t for everyone and you need not explore at all if it isn’t something that interests you. Vanilla experiences can be just as fulfilling or more fulfilling than kink for some people…again, we are all individuals who enjoy different things. The key is not to pressure yourself or others into any particular kinks (kink isn’t just an excuse to have rough sex)…it’s just about exploring things for yourself and finding other people who share your interests.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll discover kink is a slippery slope. Once you start exploring, you’ll discover more things you enjoy or want to try. That’s the wonderful part about kink…it’s an ever evolving journey. Interacting with other kinksters will open you up to new possibilities…you never know what you might start enjoying next week. There’s no hurry, just take it one step at a time and enjoy it all as it unfolds!