A Little More Conversation

Anyone on the dating apps knows that the talking stage is exhausting…you feel like you’ll scream if one more person asks ‘What brings you to Tinder?’ It can be taxing, but conversation is a necessary evil of online dating (unless someone never replies to your message…which can also happen!). 

Some people like to meet as quickly as possible to skip messaging, but some (like me) use this stage as an important part of the vetting process. So much communication happens at a distance, I want to see that someone can communicate effectively. I don’t want to date someone who’s fantastic in person but then won’t message me at all between dates…so the chat stage is important.

After you’ve set up your online dating profile and got the match, the real challenge begins. Everyone hates the ‘hey’ starter…you need to get someone’s attention from the start. For lighter chat but something more interesting than ‘how was your weekend?’ Why not try something like:

• What was the last book you read/series you watched?
• How would your best friend describe you? 
• What’s your favourite memory from childhood? 

If you are like me and want to skip the small talk altogether, try one of these deeper conversation starters:

• What’s your most controversial opinion?
• If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do with your life?
• When was the last time you cried? (Not for the faint hearted, but it will definitely get you to a deeper level of conversation fast!)

Conversation is like tennis, you have to keep the ball in play. So once you’ve started with one of the above, make sure to:

• Ask open questions (not questions where they can reply with just a yes/no)
• Don’t reply with one word answers, give more info if you can
• Always ask at least one question back to keep things moving

Above all else, you want the conversation to be engaging…not just for them, but for you too. Texting isn’t for everyone and can be especially difficult for people with disabilities and neurodivergent daters. I’m a big voice noter…people like my voice/accent and it’s easier to read tone and personality from voice note rather than text. Some people like phone calls, others prefer video calls…think about which one you like best. Figure out what communication style works for you and your match to make for the most fun conversation!