Whether a cub is wanting their first experience with an older woman or it’s been their dating preference for a while, they all say the same thing about cougar appeal. I am frequently told that it’s enjoyable to date an older woman because they:
- Know what they want in life
- Are comfortable in their own skin
- Can hold mature conversations
- Are more sexually confident
This might be true, however lots of young men put down women their own age in an attempt to highlight these things. Saying ‘I can’t have decent conversations like this with women my age’ or ‘Women my age aren’t into that’ isn’t a compliment to me…it’s just insulting other women.
It’s not fair or appropriate to compare cougars to younger women. Cougar appeal comes from the fact that as women, we have overcome society telling us from a young age that we:
- Must be perfect: We are told our value depends on having the perfect body, being ‘good’ and being what men want
- Should want to be wives and mothers: It starts early with sex education…we are told that sex is only something we should do when we are married and our bodies are built for making children, not for pleasure
- Are not equal to men: The pay gap, the orgasm gap, ‘men are assertive but women are bossy’. The patriarchy reinforces that this is a man’s world and we have to fight for equality
Women spend their whole adult lives trying to reprogram their mindset from the unhealthy script we are given in our youth. As we get older we question why boys were told they could be superheroes while we were told to be princesses. We start to ask why we are called sluts for enjoying sex when men are called studs. We have to learn to love our bodies just as they are, not as we were told they should be.
Young women deserve compassion…they are facing adversity young men aren’t even aware of. Cougars have 20 plus years of experience dealing with all the shit society has thrown at us…these young women are just at the beginning of that journey. Don’t ever put down another woman in order to compliment a cougar on her appeal (along with these other things you don’t tell a cougar). We need to support and encourage all women as they navigate their way in this patriarchal world.