Being Submissive

When it comes to sex, the heteronormative stereotype is that men are dominant and women are submissive. This idea limits cis het people into fixed roles and doesn’t allow space for the full spectrum of gender identities or queer dynamics.

In reality, anyone can be dominant or submissive, or both (a switch, like me). During kinky and/or sexual encounters, dominance and submission have no gender or set role. As long as it’s safe and consensual, the joy of kink is that it’s customisable to suit you and your partner/s.

If being submissive is something you want to explore, there are multiple ways to go about it. Try getting a feel for the type of submissive you might be by exploring books, ethical porn, Reddit and Twitter. What do you find you are drawn to? Often our own fantasies are a good indication of what turns us on.

Depending on what you enjoy, the type of submissive you are can vary significantly. A sub might be a:

• Servant 
• Finsub/paypig
• Pet
• Little
• Cuck

Submissive play comes in so many different forms too and can include elements of: 

• Humiliation
• Bondage 
• Pain play 
• Ageplay
• Chasity

If you are looking to explore your submissive side, remember that building a D/s dynamic takes time. The best experiences come from trust with a partner and negotiating the wants, needs and safety of everyone involved. It’s unlikely to happen on a one night stand (be wary of anyone saying it can!). You also need to find the right fit…not all dominants will suit your needs.

When exploring your submissive side it’s good to know what you are seeking in a dominant. Are you looking for a:

• Professional or online dominant
• Long term D/s dynamic
• Casual playmate
• 24/7 lifestyle 
• Cuck relationship 

If you are submissive and looking for a dominant, it takes time and patience. Some ways to find one are:

• K!nk sites like Feeld, Fetlife and Fabswingers
• Munches and sex clubs (such as KV and Club Pedestal)
• Online dominants
• Pro dominants/dungeons

Whether it’s something you want to explore with a professional, current partner or someone new, there’s no shame in being submissive (unless you are into humiliation, of course). It doesn’t make you weak or less deserving of respect or pleasure. Pursuing this aspect of your sexuality might even unlock a whole new world of pleasure!