When you’ve matched with someone on the apps and started talking, it can be tricky to establish consistent, enjoyable conversation. Early on, you are navigating different communication styles amidst the excitement and potential of something new. It can be anxiety inducing for all involved…especially when you are left on read.
Engaged and intentional chat is sexy (no it’s not simping), so throw out these anxiety inducing ‘rules’:
- No double texting
- Wait before replying
- Play it cool/pretend you don’t care
Set the tone and be considerate to others…they will often reciprocate your energy. Be proactive rather than apologising, ‘Hey, I’m out with friends tonight, I’ll reply tomorrow’ and reply when you say you will. Signposting a gap in contact beforehand shows kindness, helping minimise anxiety for others.
Always starting with ‘Sorry for the late reply….’ sends the message that you:
- Don’t consider their feelings
- Aren’t interested enough to prioritise them
- Don’t actually have time to date
You can’t always expect instant replies, but speak up about reasonable communication needs. Requesting someone send you good morning/night texts before you’ve even met them is too much. Whereas it’s fair to ask someone you’ve been seeing for a few months not disappear for three days without warning.
Dating is tough on your mental health, but you can help manage your anxiety by:
- Turning off read receipts/notifications
- Not following someone’s social media
- Communicating your needs
Dating communication is a two way street and requires effort on both sides. Yes, we are all busy, but leaving someone on read for a long period without explanation is hurtful. If there’s not enough interest there to keep chatting, just say so…it’s far more respectful than ghosting someone.
Know your communication needs and give the effort you want to receive back. If someone isn’t reciprocating your energy, don’t participate in a one sided chase or start playing games. Just tell them you want to date people who are more engaged, wish them well and leave the anxiety behind you!
Madam Mayhem 