Thanks to the likes of 50 Shades of Grey, there are so many misconceptions out there about kink. Unless you’ve spent time in the community and researched thoroughly, mainstream media would have you believe a ton of myths about D/s dynamics. Some Dominant myths are…
Dominants must be obeyed
With any D/s interaction, consent and safety are key. Any Dominant who expects you to obey them without question is a fake. Submissives always have the right to say no.
Dominants don’t need aftercare
Dominants shoulder a lot of stress and responsibility during a scene and require aftercare just as much as subs. They may experience ‘Dom Drop’ and need extra care and reassurance, especially after particular scenes like CNC.
Dominants have all the control
The truth is, both Dominants and submissives have control. Any D/s dynamic needs a foundation of trust, communication and negotiation. Any play should be agreed to by everyone involved, so even if a Dominant is leading, everyone has consented to play.
Dominants are always harsh
Subs tell me I’m mean, but my brand of cruelty comes in the form of teasing, edging and delayed gratification. Not all Dominants enjoy pain play or humiliating subs…this doesn’t make them any less dominant. Dominants don’t all operate in the same way.
Only men are dominant
Anyone can be a Dominant…kink is judgement free and it’s a place to be your true self, regardless of your gender or sexuality. Saying only men can be dominant is misogynistic plays into gender stereotypes and doesn’t allow for the inclusion of non-hetero D/s dynamics.
Dominants are always dominant
Dominants are people too. Unless you’re in a 24/7 arrangement (and even then) Dominants have insecurities, they have bad days and times when they need caring for. Being a Dominant doesn’t mean they aren’t human…their needs, boundaries and consent must be respected too.
If you are getting involved in kink, it’s helpful to understand these myths. Dominants can be hugely misunderstood and bear the brunt of bad behaviour from ignorant submissives. Be respectful when speaking to Dominants, keep an eye out for fakes and if in doubt, ask. Don’t make assumptions about Dominants based on these kind of myths.