Much like dealing with rejection, dating self confidence takes practise. Shifting your mindset from ‘I have to make this person like me’ to ‘Let’s see if we are compatible’ is the biggest hurdle. Dating is as much about whether you like them as they like you. If you spend all your time trying to impress a date, you might completely miss the fact you aren’t even into them!
Self confidence requires you to:
- Stop performing on dates
- Accept that not everyone will like you
- Believe you deserve to date people who appreciate you as you are
Confidence starts long before you’ve met someone, with your online dating profile and initial messages. For example, instead of saying ‘I’m really terrible at dating, please just give me a chance’ say ‘I’m new to dating and excited to meet people’. Presenting all your insecurities and negative traits on your profile isn’t attractive and won’t get you dates.
Alternatively, performing to win someone over can make you look fake, not confident. If you project an air of cockiness (or creepiness), it will likely be seen in a negative light. I personally think cockiness shows that someone is either self obsessed or overcompensating for insecurities. Either way, they are likely to overpromise and underdeliver and not someone I want to date.
Nerves on a first date are completely normal, even for the most confident of people…it can feel like an interview. Acknowledging you are nervous to a date can help take the power out of the feelings and encourage your date to help you feel more at ease. They may even admit they are nervous too!
Ways to feel more confident on a date:
- Wear something comfortable and ‘you’ so you are feeling your best
- Go somewhere familiar so you don’t have the additional stress of an unknown location
- Keep it quick and casual like coffee or involve an activity to take the pressure off
There are 8 billion people on this planet…it’s just not possible to have chemistry with everyone you date. It’s easier to be confident if you stay in the moment and take the pressure off. First dates are not for deciding if this person is ‘the one’ so stop thinking ten steps ahead. Relax, breathe and just be yourself.
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Madam Mayhem 