Fetishising People

If you spend more than a minute on Fabswingers you’ll see plenty of cuckold couples seeking ‘BBC’. If you aren’t familiar with the acronym, Google at your own peril…I’ll wait. We’ve all heard of fetishes for inanimate objects like latex or high heels, but did you know people can be fetishised too?

Some people love to be fetishised and others hate it. Dating as a middle-aged woman, I’ve experienced both. When I started this journey I adored the novelty of people fixating on my age and calling me a cougar. But after about 5,000 messages from young men asking me to teach them, be their sugar mumma or step-mum fantasy, the novelty has well and truly worn off.

Some things that people might be fetishised for are:
• Race
• Body/body part size
• Age
• Sexuality (bisexual/pansexual)
• Gender identity (trans/intersex)
• Disabilities
• Occupation 

If it’s done without consent, fetishising someone is dehumanising and highly offensive. It’s reducing them to a single objectifying entity for the focus of your desire. You’re sending the message there’s only one aspect of their existence you’re interested in, and purely for your sexual gratification. 

Some examples of fetishising people are:
• Asking for a threesome when a person tells you they are bi/pansexual
• Requesting that a date who’s a teacher put you in ‘detention’ for being naughty
• Advertising for BBC on dating profiles

I’m not talking about mere preferences when it comes to partners. Preferences change and are flexible…they are one part of attraction to someone as a whole. We all have that one friend who said they only date blondes but ended up with a brunette…they fell in love with the person, not their hair!

It’s only ok to fetishise someone when:
• It’s yourself…your body, your choice
• Someone volunteers consent (perhaps by stating it on their dating profile)

Telling someone they are your fetish/fantasy isn’t the compliment you might think it is and it could be a very quick way to cause offence. Unless someone openly advertises they enjoy being fetishised, assume they aren’t and be respectful at all times. 

Have you experienced being fetishised?