Fake Submissives

I’ve spoken about the dangers of fake Dominants before, but what about fake submissives? I think there’s an assumption that submissives don’t have control (I wrote about submissive myths too), so it can’t be harmful if they are inexperienced. This is absolutely not the case and they can be just as dangerous as fake Dominants.

Fake submissives don’t have an understanding of kink safety, which is key to any kind of fun. They expect a Dominant to teach them everything. Unless you are paying a Pro Dominant for this service, responsible members of the kink community do their own research to at least have the basics for safe play.

Someone might be a fake submissive if they:

• Use/assume honourifics (Mistress/Majesty/Daddy etc) to address you without permission
• Say they don’t have any limits (everyone should have hard and/or soft limits)
• Are willing to serve from first contact before you’ve built trust and negotiated any terms

In my experience, fake submissives are selfish…they approach under the guise of ‘service’ but have no genuine interest in what a Dominant might need or want out of a dynamic. All they see is a way to scratch their own kink itch. True submissives are collaborative and want to create a mutually enjoyable scenario with Dominants.

As a Dom-leaning switch, I am approached by fake submissives all the time. Dommes are in very short supply and cishet men specifically get desperate to explore their sub side. They end up objectifying, fetishising and harassing women who may be able to fulfil their desires. Trust me, I block men like this on a daily basis.

If you are new to kink and want to be a sub, you should:

• Learn about kink safety, negotiation and aftercare (Dominants need aftercare too in order to avoid things like Dom Drop)
• Attend munches and events to observe and learn from experienced kinksters
• Treat Dominants as human beings with respect, consistency and clear communication 

Inexperience as a sub isn’t a problem, but faking experience is. If you are new to kink, just be transparent about it. Do your own research, be open to feedback from people in the community and go slow. This is one area of life where ‘fake it till you make it’  does not apply. 

What’s your experience with fake submissives?