‘You don’t need toys, you have me’ is one of my top red flag statements to hear when it comes to sex. Of course we all want to feel desired and enough for someone during sex, but we need to stop looking at toys like they are a threat…they are our teammates.
Shaming someone for using toys says you:
- Are insecure
- Don’t care about giving someone pleasure
- Aren’t open to exploring new things
There’s no shame in using toys, regardless of your gender or if you use them during solo or partner play. Pleasure is to be celebrated in every form and toys are a great way to enhance sexual exploration. Using toys does not mean you are bad at sex or are some sad person who can’t get sex. I have three drawers full of toys and they’ve done nothing but enhance my experiences.
Here are some myths about using toys:
- You’ll become desensitised
- You’ll no longer be able to enjoy sex with a partner
- They’re just for women
There’s such a wide variety of toys for both penis and vulva owners these days. Strokers, cock rings, vibes, plugs, dildos, grinders…the list is endless. If you haven’t yet tried a toy, start small with a cock ring or bullet vibe and go from there. Read reviews and communicate with partners about toys you might like to try together.
Ways to use toys with partners:
- Mutual masturbation
- As an addition to oral or penetrative sex with partners
- Remote toys for public fun
Toys can also benefit those who:
- Need extra stimulation (if you use SSRI drugs, menopausal, have erectile dysfunction etc)
- Have mobility challenges
- Seek gender affirmation
Ever given head to someone while they are wearing a butt plug? Or held a vibrator on a clit while you penetrate someone? A strap on can bring a whole other level of pleasure in the form of gender euphoria or power exchanges. Toys add another dimension to sex that can’t necessarily be achieved otherwise.
Toys will obviously never replace human connection, but they can be a hugely fun and helpful addition to solo and partnered play. Sex toys aren’t a threat and embracing them will bring your sex life so much more dimension and pleasure. What’s your experience with toys?
Madam Mayhem 