Submissive Myths

A while back I wrote about Dominant myths…now it’s time to explore some of the falsehoods around submissives (don’t worry my fellow switches, we’ll be up next). Much like ‘Dominant’ can conjure up inaccurate stereotypes of whips and black latex, there are plenty of misconceptions around subs…

Subs don’t have any control

Even if a Dominant is controlling a scene, subs ultimately have control over what happens to them if they are in a safe D/s arrangement. Their boundaries will be discussed and upheld and safe words/signals adhered to during sessions. Only fake Dominants believe subs have no say in their treatment during play time.

Only women are submissive

I’m pretty sure my following here is enough to put this myth squarely in the disproven box. Gender plays absolutely no part in whether you are submissive, Dominant or switchy. No heteronormative gender stereotypes here please.

Subs don’t make decisions

What if I flogged a sub who hated pain play or degraded a pet who preferred praise? Subs are always making decisions through ongoing negotiation and consent with their Dominant. Kinks and areas of exploration are established so a submissive is constantly making decisions within a dynamic.

Subs have no responsibility

Umm, of course they do! Anyone involved in kink has a responsibility to educate themselves on safety and the kinks they indulge in. They also have a duty to give aftercare to their Dominant (ever heard of ‘Dom Drop‘?)…it’s not a one way street. Dominants should not be expected to carry the burden of education, training and aftercare.

Subs are givers/only serve

Yeah…not on my watch. I’m a pleasure/service Domme so my subs are on the receiving end of things. Subs come in so many variations…littles, pets, servants, finsubs, cucks…it’s not a ‘one size fits all’ approach.

Subs are weak

I think being submissive actually takes more strength than being dominant. Strength to trust a Dominant. Strength to be vulnerable. Strength to take the physical, mental and emotional acts carried out on them. I’m rarely submissive because I find it incredibly difficult to trust someone and be vulnerable with my submission. 

Are you a sub? What are some other submissive myths you’ve heard?