I did another Swipe Experiment (nope, still not a masochist despite evidence to the contrary) which was different from the first one I did in 2021. Last time my dating goal was to find a FWB…this time I’m at a place in my dating journey where I’m wanting a relationship. I state this on my profiles openly and mostly matched with people who said similar on their profiles.
Given my dating goals, my matches were a bit older than usual (funnily enough it’s rare to find people in their 20’s looking for anything beyond a hookup) and I was even more particular with my swiping, looking for really good profiles and effort. The experiment lasted about three months (starting 02/11/23) and here’s how it went (spoiler alert, not well):
My matches came from:
• 22 Feeld
• 18 Bumble
• 13 Tinder
• 12 Hinge
• 10 OKC | 3fun | Thursday | Badoo | Hily (the apps I consider to be ‘B grade’)
• 10 Men who had ghosted me previously popping back up (didn’t get a second shot)
• 8 Fabswingers
• 4 Veggly | Grazer
• 3 Her
My matches were:
• 92 men, 4 couples, 3 women, 1 non-binary person
• Ages 22-54
• Average age of 30
83 matches didn’t make it off the apps:
• 36 never replied/stopped replying/timed out (on Bumble)
• 15 didn’t ask questions/had dead chat
• 10 wanted different things (in and around marriage, relationship type and children mostly)
• 7 were sexual
• 7 ghosted me
• 4 were time wasters not intending to date
• 2 were too far away (both lied about location)
• 1 catfish
• 1 gave me the ick
7 matches got my phone number:
• 2 Fabswingers, 2 Hinge, 1 Feeld, 1 Bumble, 1 Tinder
• All men (I know…sad times, but very typical in my world), average age of 32
• 6 first dates arranged
• 1 time waster didn’t commit to a date
6 first dates:
• 2 Fabswingers, 2 Hinge, 1 Feeld, 1 Bumble
• Average age of 33
• 1 lacked chemistry
• 1 doesn’t have time to date
• 1 ghosted me
• 1 wants different things (decided he wants a relationship with someone his own age)
2 had multiple dates:
• 1 Bumble, 1 Fabswingers
• Both men, aged 52 and 39
• The 52 y/o became controlling after three dates and signed up to my OF without consent
• The 39 y/o is now a fwb
Other stats during this time:
• A guy at the gym hit on me and he turned out to be married with three kids (and clearly looking to cheat…which I shot down fast…I don’t mess with married)
• I didn’t give my number to anyone in real life
This experiment took its toll on me. I matched a lot of men who only wanted me for sex despite advertising they want a relationship (‘I want a relationship with someone else but I’ll fuck you until she comes along’). I also experienced the most terrifying date of my life with the 52 y/o and was genuinely scared for my physical safety (I’m still recovering emotionally and mentally).
I was repeatedly fetishised, objectified, slut shamed and made to feel unworthy of love or a relationship because I’m a woman who enjoys sex and kink. So similar to the first experiment, I have once again I’ve shown that dating isn’t easy or fun for women…despite men constantly moaning that it’s far more difficult for them on the apps.
Madam Mayhem 
Have you tried putting more of your emotional resources instead with some boring ones? I myself would consider myself boring at first but that’s because I’m an introvert! I personally would also remove any statement about “looking for a relationship only”, if it’s on your profile, because you shouldn’t have to say that in the first place anyway – I feel it’s an overly neurotic statement that certain men will sense weakness in and pushes away the right people who want one.
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Well I didn’t actually ask for advice so I’m not sure why you felt the need to give me some? And bad advice at that…you’re telling me to play games and not be honest about what I want. If I’m honest about wanting a relationship, why would that push away others who want the same thing?!
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You once helped me and I’m trying to help you. Just because a man opens his mouth, doesn’t make him a manspainer. Also love a bit of a swipe experiment myself and I’m sure you didn’t take it too seriously…
If your previous swipe experiment was more successful then I guess that’s fair enough, but personally I think then you’re basically throwing away the whole concepts of seduction and strategic ambiguity. I know you think it’s just a filter… but I’m saying sharks may just swim right over it!!
I’m listening to Tina Tuner’s Don’t want to Lose you, and she says women who have played the mating game are a little afraid, they don’t like taking chances… I think one thing you women have over men is vulnerability, and it’s kind of a good thing which makes you very human and the more human men are attracted to that (and it’s your job to play along and see who’s going to abuse it and who’s going to worship it). You’re not going to achieve that with some pc firewall argument. Which also implies to us men, “I just want you to be my slave and pay for my dinners and maybe I’ll sleep with you after three dates and if you keep it up we can get married, and maybe even divorced and I take child support and custody”. That’s why smart men aren’t interested in that “I’m looking for a relationship” comment however you want to say it…
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I think that’s my point…I didn’t ask for your help. I think you’re also doing men a disservice by saying they’ll assume a woman is playing games and trying to effectively entrap them by stating openly they want a relationship.
In this instance you are so hilariously off base…I’m non-monogamous, have no desire to get married and don’t want children. I’ve also earned more money than any partner I’ve dated previously…so what exactly might I be trying to trap a man into? If you say men are as smart as you think they are, surely they wouldn’t jump to conclusions and not assume all women are trying to rinse them for all they’re worth…?
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