Porn Isn’t Sex Education

If you’re reading this it’s likely you lacked a comprehensive sex education growing up. I got the standard ‘don’t have sex until you’re married/this is how a baby is made’ talk with absolutely no focus on pleasure, communication or learning how to enjoy sex. Without a proper roadmap to navigate your own sexuality, sex ed has probably left you trying to figure things out yourself.

Unfortunately, a lot of people turn to mainstream porn as a pseudo sex education. Sure, it’s easily accessible, but it’s also not real…it’s a performance put on by paid actors. Doctors don’t get their medical education from watching Grey’s Anatomy so why turn to porn to learn about sex? 

These are some of the reasons mainstream porn can be an unhealthy form of sex ed:

• A heavy focus on PIV sex with little or no attention to the entire spectrum of pleasure
• Mostly shot from the penis owner’s point of view (I don’t watch cishet couple’s porn because there’s rarely a focus on the woman’s pleasure)
• It caters to extreme kinks/fetishes which can lead to assuming that all sex must be kinky to be enjoyable…creating an unhealthy shame towards vanilla sex
• There’s rarely a focus on intimacy, connection, aftercare and the full sexual experience

Let me be clear…I’m definitely not against porn. When done right, it can be a healthy addition to solo or partner play. The good news is that there are a load of ethical porn options out there now that give a far more realistic depiction of sex for us to enjoy and learn from.

Here are my top recommendations for healthy, ethical porn options:

• Follow your favourite creator accounts (hint, hint…start with mine)
• Make Love Not Porn 
• XConfessions

Beyond that, to educate yourself better, these are great sex education websites you can follow:

• Sex With Emily
• Beducated
• Giving The Talk

It’s never too late to give yourself the sex education you deserve. Your sexuality is an ongoing journey and we never stop learning. Let’s move away from just trying to replicate the sex we see in mainstream porn and take the time to figure out what brings us and our partners the most pleasure. We are all different and discovering what turns each other on is all part of the fun!