The Hangover Horn

It’s no coincidence that most of my online dating matches happen on a Sunday or the day after a major social event. It’s also the time when anyone who’s ever ghosted me feels the need to message ‘hey’ out of the blue. It’s the curse of the hangover horn and it’s a very real phenomenon.

While the hangover horn might seem innocuous, I’ve been on the receiving end of some pretty bad behaviour because of it. Just last night I had someone pop up and ‘desperately need to see me’. This guy has messaged sporadically for 18 months but never actually made the effort to ask me on a date. It had been six months since his last message and two seconds into the exchange I knew it was a booty call (that went unanswered, just to be clear).

You may think it’s innocent approaching someone when you’ve got the hangover horn but on the receiving end it feels:

• Disrespectful: Only making contact when you want sexual favours is showing you don’t respect someone or their feelings
• Selfish: You are prioritising your own sexual needs over kindness to another person
• Dehumanising: You’re effectively asking someone to be a replacement for your hand…you don’t care who they are, as long as the job gets done

Messaging someone when you’ve got the hangover horn is a fuckboy move and will leave the other person feeling used and mistreated, even if nothing happens. The act of messaging them purely for your personal sexual gratification shows you don’t value them. It also shows you have a lack of self control and empathy towards others.

Having the hangover horn does not excuse behaviour like:

• Sexting: Trying to engage someone in sexual conversation
• Nudes: Sending unsolicited pics or manipulating someone into sending you nudes
• Booty calls: Reaching out to someone you’ve ghosted or mistreated in the past just to try and get laid

Before swiping or messaging with the hangover horn, try a tactical wank and a cold shower. Some post-nut clarity might be just what you need to realise it’s a shitty move. The dating apps are not a dispensary for quick sexual gratification. If that’s what you want, buy some toys and go sign up to one of my spicy pages…take care of the problem yourself!