Sun’s Out, Fun’s Out

Anyone else hornier now the sun’s out and lockdown rules are lifting? I’m excited because it means I can indulge in one of my favourite kinks again…public play. From a cheeky hand up my skirt to a bj in a parked car, there’s something about the possibility of exposure that amplifies sex.

If you’re feeling brave and haven’t tried this kink, maybe it’s time? Public fun can be spontaneous but planning for it can be a turn on too…the anticipation adds to the experience.

If you are keen to take the leap, some locations to think about are:

• Public transport: Planes, trains and automobiles…basically any moving vehicle. Head to the bathroom or the backseats for all the concealed canoodling you can handle

• Parks: Local, smaller parks are too busy…avoid arrest and stick to larger parks so you can explore allllll the bushes in peace

• Public bathrooms: You’ve had a few drinks at the bar and feeling frisky…take things up a notch and sneak someone into a cubicle for extra fun

• The workplace: Not for the faint hearted and at the higher end of the risk spectrum. If you’re ok with possible unemployment and you have a willing colleague, may the odds be ever in your favour

• Stores, car parks, backyards, balconies, the beach…and basically any location your fantasies take you!

If you are planning public fun, some ways to be prepared are:

• Clothing: Think easy access and the ability to cover up for a quick escape. When it comes to underwear, less is more

• Protection: Public play may be risky in some ways but it should still be safe. Carry condoms with you so you’ll be good to go anytime

• Equipment: Depending on location and activity, you might need anything from a picnic blanket to tissues for clean up. Be ready so things aren’t too sticky!

• Weather: If you want to tackle outdoor public fun, it’s worth checking a freak storm won’t coming at the same time you plan to be

Public play is great fun but it may not always go to plan. As always, it helps to laugh if you get caught with your pants down. Oh and one last piece of advice…Keep an eye out for CCTV cameras…it’s all fun and games until someone’s ass goes viral on social media…

One Domme Doesn’t Fit All

I’m a switch and enjoy being dominant and submissive equally, but as a cougar I’m naturally more of a domme. Cubs feel comfortable handing control over to me and quite often approach me wanting their first submissive experience.

Unfortunately, mainstream porn would have us believe that all dommes are sadistic, whip wielding dominatrix types…so not true. As with everything in the kink world, there’s a spectrum and there are all sorts of domme/sub dynamics, including:

• Mistress/slave

• Owner/pet (can be 24/7)

• Sadist/masochist

• Mummy domme/little boy (MDlb)

• Findom/Finsub (monetary based)

These roles can involve anything from age play to humiliation and everything in between. I’m more of a sensual domme and I enjoy giving pleasure. I’d rather tie you down and tease you for hours than have you in a ball gag, walking over you in heels. Before seeking out a submissive experience, it’s worth thinking about the things that turn you on and what kind of domme might best suit you.

Whatever experience you want to try, every good domme/sub relationship should have:

• Trust: If you are submitting to someone you have to trust they won’t abuse that power. This can take time to build and things should progress at a pace that both people are comfortable with.

• Communication: Discuss and decide boundaries and deal breakers in advance. It’s important to check in regularly during play and have a safe word or gesture in case either person wants to stop at anytime.

• Mutual pleasure: This isn’t just about serving a domme and doing everything they say. Whatever the dynamic or act being carried out, it should be hot for both people. If licking a domme’s boots turns you on, great! If not, don’t do it.

Like anything in the world of kink, it’s not a one domme fits all scenario. If you are a cub wanting to have a submissive experience with a domme, it could take a bit of time and patience to find the right dynamic that works for you. But absolutely get out there and embrace your inner slave/sissy slut/baby boy…there’s a domme out there somewhere who’ll be into the same thing!

It’s Just Blood…Period.

Have you ever engaged in sexual play with someone on their period? It’s something I only started delving into last year and I wish I’d been bold enough to try it sooner!

Thanks to society and my early sex education, I always felt ashamed and dirty when on my period. I avoided dating and sex at that time of the month or focused on their pleasure…deflecting the attention away from me.

I’ve become more comfortable with my body recently and met some lovely people who have helped me explore this new territory without judgement (and with enthusiasm!). And you know what? Turns out that I’m much hornier and sensitive when on my period…I have the most intense orgasms and more frequently too.

Some of the pros I’ve discovered from period play:

  • Vulva owners can be more sensitive and aroused than usual
  • Creates a different lubrication sensation during PIV sex 
  • Orgasms can help reduce cramping pain
  • It can shorten the length of the period

If both you and your partner are willing to explore period play it can help to:

  • Talk about it beforehand and make sure you are both comfortable
  • Be prepared for any possible mess with towels and tissues
  • Think about taking play to the bath or shower
  • Explore over the clothing play or doing things like using sex toys 

Let’s normalise talking about periods and reduce the feeling of shame someone might have about themselves for experiencing something completely normal and natural.

Why not show an interest and ask how you can be involved in helping someone through their period? Everyone deserves pleasure, even when on their period…and who knows…it might just be the hottest sexual experience of your life.

Approaching Anal

I’m a huge advocate for butt play of all sorts…from rimming through to anal sex. But I didn’t just dive straight in the deep end…it took time to get comfortable with butt stuff and build up to ‘the main event’. So whether you’re an enthusiast or wanting to delve in for the first time, how do you approach the topic of anal with a partner or someone you’ve started dating?

Every situation will be different, but these are my tips for approaching the anal sex discussion with someone:

• Timing: As always, it’s best to talk about the prospect of new things outside the bedroom first when someone isn’t feeling pressured to say yes in the heat of the moment.

• Ease in slow: When the time is right, start the conversation on a light note…you won’t get far with ‘I want to destroy your ass!’ It needs a delicate touch…’What really turns you on in bed?’ ‘Have you ever tried butt play?’

• Be patient: If you get the green light (yay!) you still need to go at their pace. Butt play can make you feel vulnerable…trust needs to be built to feel comfortable, relaxed and enjoy things. Some people will be keen on a first date, others might need weeks or months to get there…don’t pressure them.

• Give encouragement and support: Ask what they need to feel comfortable. Perhaps suggest they explore butt play on their own first to get familiar with what feels good and what they enjoy.

• Approach it with a sense of humour: We are talking butts here…you’ve got to be able to have a laugh about it and not take it too seriously. Very unsexy scenarios like farting and skid marks come with the territory…just embrace it and have a giggle!

The one thing to bear in mind is that some people just don’t have any interest in anal sex and you need to respect their decision if that’s the case. Everyone has different sexual desires and boundaries…if they say no, it’s not a starting point for negotiation…it’s a no. There are plenty of other things on the sexual menu…if anal isn’t an option, engage in other activities that bring you both pleasure. Sex is only fun if all parties involved are enjoying themselves!

Toys Are For Adults Too

Considering I had to by extra storage furniture to accommodate my growing collection, I think it’s safe to say I’m a huge fan of sex toys. A year ago I only had one toy…now I have in excess of 30 in varying shapes, sizes and uses. I’m obviously a big advocate for the use of sex toys!

Every person has different stimulation needs and levels of arousal when it comes to sex, and vulva owners in particular (me included), can struggle to climax through penetration alone. I fair much better from oral stimulation…or the strategic use of toys. This doesn’t mean I’m enjoying my sexual experience any less (quite the opposite!) or that my partner isn’t satisfying me. Far from it…there’s nothing sexier to me than someone confident enough in their own skin not to be threatened by toys in the bedroom (or any other room for that matter).

Toys are great fun for all involved…whether it’s during solo play or with a partner. Penis owners can absolutely enjoy them too (I’ve witnessed the evidence)! Here are some tips on introducing toys into your sex life:

• Start by using toys on yourself to get comfortable with idea of them

• Talk about using toys with sexual partners before things heat up…it’s much harder (so to speak) to broach the topic once your clothes are off!

• Suggest mutual masturbation…use toys to play with yourselves in front of each other…it’s hot and a great way to learn how someone likes to be stimulated

• Once you’re both comfortable, offer to take control of the toy for your partner and ask how they like it to be used on them

• Be patient…like anything it can take time to figure out what works and what doesn’t with toys…have fun with it!

One of the keys to great, uninhibited sex is checking your ego at the door. Toys can be a fantastic part of sexual play and using them doesn’t make you less of a lover…if anything it can open new ways to give you and your partner pleasure. Now go forth and start playing with toys like good little sexual adults.

Say my Name

Babe, babes, gorgeous, beautiful, sexy, honey, darling…who slides into someone’s DMs using one of these? I know I’m guilty of it. I call guys ‘handsome’ or ‘mr’ on occasion…it’s a very easy habit to slip into…

First impressions count and I’ll admit, if a guy opens with a ‘hey babe’ I immediately think ‘fuckboy’. Not fair to assume, I know, but to me it just comes across as too smooth and a little sleazy.

I personally don’t think there’s anything sexier than using someone’s name to address them. It shows that:

  • You are respectful
  • You are interested in getting to know them as an individual
  • You don’t think they are interchangeable with some other ‘babe’

Pet names are lovely once you know a person and things have progressed to that level, but maybe try saying someone’s name to start and see if it makes a difference…

Vanilla is Valid Too

Vanilla is the term society gives to conventional, non-BSDM, non-kinky sex.

With the rise in easily accessible, free porn on the internet, people have more exposure to all kinds of kinks and fetishes…especially at a young age. So much so that ‘vanilla’ sex is now looked on as boring and negative.

I only started delving into kinky territory last year…up until then, most of my sexual experiences had been ‘vanilla’ by society’s standards. I’m not ashamed of this at all…I’m actually so grateful to have had 20 years of wholesome, sensual, connected vanilla sex as a safe platform to explore my kinkier side from. No regrets!

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with vanilla…it’s just as valid as any other kink. I would argue that great vanilla sex is far better than average kinky sex! Just like we all enjoy different food, everyone enjoys different things when it comes to sex…no one should be shamed or judged for enjoying the vanilla side of the menu.

Vanilla sex allows us to learn the fundamental basics of giving and receiving pleasure…the rest can grow from there. Before you default to kinky next time you play, why not spend some time indulging in the delicious offerings on the vanilla menu?:

  • Kissing
  • Eye contact
  • Foreplay…touch, teasing, taking your time
  • Oral

Once you’ve got these basic vanilla skills down, you’ll have a great foundation to expand into other territory.

Hey

Why do people take such offence to receiving this as a first message when online dating? Possibly because it:

• Feels impersonal

• Puts the conversation burden on the receiver

• Seems lazy and that you aren’t really interested

99% of the time, I start the chat after a match. Here are some of my tips for alternative conversation starters:

• Use something from their bio or pics to kick things off: ‘I’ve been to New York City too, where was your favourite spot?’

• Try a random question that’ll start a debate: ‘Ketchup or brown sauce?’

• You might cringe, but a cheesy pick up line gets me every time. One of my favourites to use: ‘Was that super like an accident, or are you just happy to see me?’

Other general tips to keep things flowing:

• Be respectful with your chat…whether you are looking for a ONS or something serious, there’s no need to be rude

• Ask open ended questions (not just ones they can answer with a yes/no)

• Answer their questions, but always send one back…it’s like tennis, you’ve got to keep the ball in play or it’s game over!

Effort is the biggest indicator of interest…try changing things up and see if it makes a difference!